Archive - Networking

Take Off Your Cool and Lose Control – #NetworkingTips

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Last week at my usual Monday meeting place I bumped into a familiar face and we began talking about life and all of that good stuff and somehow got on the conversation of how I network. The person says to me can you teach me how to network like you? And I looked and pointed at myself and said ME? I had to let them know that I was still growing myself in that field and the best advice that I have is to just be yourself, very much a cliche but true. Just a year ago I remember standing in corners if I didn’t know anyone playing with my Blackberry, now I go out by myself knowing that I will bump into at least one person I know at the venue.

The individual then expressed well I think people think I am weird and I thought to myself people probably think that I am weird on multiple occasions but over the years one of the best things I learned about myself and networking besides going out there and taking risks is that we all Have to “Take Off Our Cool and Lose Control. We all have insecurities and everyone is not going to perceive us how we want them or even like us but you cannot break down those walls unless you just let loose, be yourself and have a good time. The worst answer you can ever get is a no and that is still a temporary answer in most situations.

Stranger Danger: Why people have difficulty meeting and talking with strangers?

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While at an event recently I was speaking to someone and wondering why they were so apprehensive about interacting with individuals they don’t know. What makes them so uncomfortable? Are people nervous about making the first move? Do they fear rejection?

Then I began to think about how we are taught to interact with people from a young age and remembered that we are taught that Strangers are Dangerous and we should stay away from them at all cost.  I wonder if these teachings have had a negative effect on how we as adults now interact with each other. As we get older we are expected to be more open to meeting new people but the stranger danger thoughts are still present in our subconscious. We are always weary of people’s intentions, are they out for my best interest? are they using me? can I trust this person? And this anxiety is what causes us to hesitate when in a new environment around new people because we are not completely sure if the interaction will be a negative or a positive.

Some say just go out on a limb what is the worst that can happen, but reflecting on what we we’re taught when we’re younger many things can happen if you speak to a stranger, you can get kidnapped, killed etc. but never are you taught that an interaction with a stranger could be positive. So as adults we know have to train ourselves to think of these interaction as positive and as a new opportunity to open doors for ourselves. Honestly I think the best thing is to Just Do It, not to be cliche but the only way to conquer your fear is to jump in so that you can see what the result will be. Create a plan and set a goal for yourself the next time you go out to enhance your networking skills.

  1. Set a goal to try to interact with at least 3 people
  2. Engage in a conversation with them about anything (many people think when networking you must talk about business, my best connections came from shooting the sh*t or personal interest that we connected on
  3. Be sure if you are interested to obtain everyone’s contact information that you interacted with
  4. Follow up with them within the week and possibly set up another time to meet-up or get together

These simple steps will help you build a relationship and assist with the negative stigma of meeting a stranger.

Profile of a Socialpath – Is Social Networking Making You Insociable?

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Recently I attended the YRB/Blac Label Event at The Gates with my friend Tamika of Cultureflyy.com and Shana, PR Specialist to support young entrepreneurs. All of us were huddled together on our perspective Blackerry’s having separate conversations but apparently it looked as if we were talking to each other. A nice gentleman came over and asked are you all talking to each other via BBM while standing right next to each other, I laughed and said no. But I could see how he would think that and we were currently the most social anti-social people in the room. He then presented us with a proposition, he asked if we could go the rest of the night without our Blackberry’s I was hesitant but I kindly obliged and took him up on his challenge. The gentleman was a funny personal banker who I enjoyed very much, it had been so long honestly since I haven’t had my phone as a distraction to me when interacting with people especially since I purchased this Blackberry. My new Blackberry keeps me organized but it is also the ultimate distraction since I can do so many task at once, which include holding a conversation while BBMing, texting, tweeting, setting an appointment, emailing, well you get the point.

Taking a breather, putting my phone away and having a real face to face interaction was definitely the highlight of my week. I love people who bring out the more outgoing side of me and help me to feel free when networking. With all of the advances in the internet and social networks, face to face social interaction seems to have become a thing of the past, I have to even check myself at times when I get caught up on my phone when I should be engaging in conversation. At times it is easier just to message someone, it is quick, painless and leaves out having to explain certain things especially due to character limitations.

Here are some signs you are a social path:

  • Constantly checking your phone for updates including tweets, text, status updates, emails, etc.
  • You introduce yourself as @Twitterhandle and refer to people by their handles when networking
  • Talking without letting anyone else get a word in, real life conversations consist of a mutual interaction, a conversation is not a timeline or status update, might as well just talk to yourself
  • You are in a group setting and all of you are on your phones and not interacting with each other

If you find yourself doing any of the things above, you are certainly a Socialpath. When establishing yourself and/or your business you definitely do not want to be viewed as socially inept when interacting. It is important that you build and maintain strong relationships when networking, a bad first impression may limit your chances of connecting with great individuals.

Early Bird Gets the Worm: Carrie Pink Networking Event

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On Tuesday I headed over to the Pretty World Inc. after work event at Velour Lounge. It was not too far from my job so I took a nice walk to the venue. I was quite excited because I have been trying to attend @CarriePink’s Workshop sessions for a couple of months now but they always seemed to have conflicted with another project I was working on or some personal matter.

So I finally get to the event and to my surprise *crickets* no one was there. I walk over to one of the workers at the lounge and ask if there was an event going on here just to confirm that I had the right place and she confirmed my beliefs. So I take a seat and wait for people to come and past the time by checking my Lifeline aka My Blackberry to see what everyone is up to. This was my first time getting to a networking event early, I usually go an hour into it and people are already well into their conversations. Getting to the event early turned out to be a great advantage for me, especially due to the way I network.

Shortly after Carrie came in and sat right beside me and in all honesty I was wondering why did she sit right here when there were all these other spaces around but it made me uncomfortable yet comfortable at the same time. This totally reverted me back to Kenji Summer’s statement that prompted The Art of Networking: You Have to Make Them Uncomfortable. We immediately started talking about just random things that had nothing do with what either of us did professionally and I hadn’t mentioned that I already knew about Pretty World Inc. and the great things they are doing within the community and that her reputation proceeded her, but I wanted to form my own impression and opinions.

Getting to the event early provided me with an experience and advantage that I’ve never had when networking. I am an observer, I like to settle into my settings and not just jump right into things but I did not really have a chance to do that during this event and it was a welcoming change. Arriving early allowed me the opportunity to get a start on my process and made me more comfortable with my environment. It allowed me to relax and open myself up to meeting more people and gave me first dibs on meeting almost everyone in the room as well as the brains behind Pretty World Inc.

Cocktails With Belle: Meeting of the Jane’s of All Trades

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Never had I been so excited for Monday June 14th to come this past week. Two weeks ago I saw that the invite for Cocktails with Belle go out on Twitter and I was quick to RSVP. I really wanted to interact with women with similar goals and values because I have been teetering back and forth lately on what I want to do with my business and usually surrounding myself with like minded people helps me make my decisions. I must say it wasn’t what I expected at all.

I made sure that I got out of work at exactly 6pm because Monday is usually my stay for 12 hours day. After work I rushed home to change to get ready for the event especially since it was my first one and second because I just started to fall in love with the blog recently which I must have read about half off in two days while at work, shh don’t tell. I had to look my best because I was going to be in a different environment than my usual day to day networking events, in my industry when we go for cocktails or drinks for networking it is pretty much come as you are so this was a refreshing change.

I have attended many networking events in the past but none quite like this which consisted of all women and not just any women successful women. After my last post about female entrepreneurs and their struggles when it comes to launching their own business I must admit I was a little discouraged but these women where quite the opposite of that, they did not seem to be struggling or dealing with many obstacles at all. There were what looked to be hundreds and hundreds of young professional women all experts in their own right in their line of business all there not only to meet Belle but to create these new relationships with other women who were striving for a similar goal.

While there I met many women who my friend Phil calls the Jane’s of All Trades, these are women who I like to call Triple Threats, have more than one occupation and do well in each of their roles. For example Dancer, Choreographer and Designer Tamika Haywood who was in attendance *Queue I’m Every Woman*, not to mention Shameika Bowman of Your Face My Canvas, Dreux Dougall Researcher/PA at PBS: Need to Know to name a few. Though I didn’t personally introduce myself to Demetria I was glad to be in her presence and ecstatic to see that one woman could bring that many women together in harmony. This opportunity was great for me and has ignited my fire and reaffirmed my beliefs in successful networking.

Check out some of the moments captured at the event Here

THE MODERN DAY MATCHMAKER: Business Edition

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On Thursday June 3, I had the opportunity to attend an event called The Modern Day Matchmaker hosted by the real life Hitch, Paul Carrick Brunson and moderated by Nikki Nokes, author of “Maybe It’s You”

The event consisted of about 6 panelist from different walks of life who were all experts in their on right when it comes to relationship building. Lola Adesioye of  LolaCreative.com, Demetria Lucas, Relationship Editor at Essence and Author of ABelleinBrooklyn.com, Damon Young aka “The Champ” of VerySmartBrothers.com, Anslem Samuel of NakedWithSocksOn.com and Jozen Cummings of UntilIGetMarried.com. As I am listening to each of them speak and give their thoughts on how to maintain relationships whether it be dating tips or how to keep your marriage together, I thought how can I apply this to business.

I believe a relationship whether business or personal are derived from the same basic concepts and are built in the same manner. At first sight there must be a spark a connection of some sorts that catches your attention this is why many say first impression is everything. Based off of the initial encounter is what usually determines whether or not a person plans on continuing to pursue or build said relationship. From my experience, during networking rarely do I ever feel that spark or feeling that many of the individuals are willing to commit to building a partnership and/or relationship. I find that many people are selfish and they come with an agenda to push their business and pitch you the entire time without engaging in a decent conversation. It is similar to the person who talks about themselves on the first date for the first 20 minutes. When speaking to someone you want to be exchanging thoughts and holding a conversation. People want to know a person is genuinely interested in what they have to say, this is when trust is formed and the bond grows stronger within the relationship. So when meeting for the first time you must remember to share ideas no one wants to be talked at they want to be talked to. Sounds like common knowledge but you would be surprised at how many people make this mistake.

The art of actual conversation is like speaking Sanskrit, not sure what that is, that is because it is a dead language. Engaging in dialogue seems to have died like chivalry with the increasing use of social networks. Ironically these networks have caused many to be less social and to hide behind their online persona’s they have created. Demetria made a great point at the event about individuals no longer even providing their true credentials such as a business card but ask you to follow them on twitter, look them up on Facebook or my #petpeeve Google Me. I am not sure when this became the norm but this is a no, no, when networking, if you cannot explain who you are and what you do in a concise manner there is a problem. Now I have no problem with following you on twitter, becoming a friend on Facebook and best believe I am going to Google you anyway to make sure you are who you say you are. Plus I engage in social networking I believe more so than the average person but I am also a firm believer of meeting in person especially when conducting business. You want to ensure that the person is serious about their craft and is a true representation of what they have been portraying especially if your only interaction is online.

Following up has also suffered tremendously in this new age of technology. Many people seem to have forgotten how to remind the person that they are still interested and enjoyed the conversation and interactions that they had. I say treat it like a second date, when interested you want to reach out let the person know, hey I had a good time and would like to exchange ideas some more. The objective of the second meeting is to continue to build a relationship and to ensure this is the right connection for you. You don’t want to waste anyone’s time by prolonging it so make sure to follow up in a timely matter at least a week from meeting the person. That way if either of you are not interested you can move forward to new opportunities without wondering what if.

Just a few dating networking tips to remember when you go out to your next event.

Best,

Africa

The Art of Networking: You Have to Make People Uncomfortable

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On Friday, March 26th, I rushed to The Dumbo Lofts in Brooklyn after work to attend Digital Dumbo which was sponsored by Invoke. I reached about an hour into the event and everyone was well into networking mode. I walked in and at the front a table was set up for you to receive a name tag, now in order to receive a name tag you had to answer a question in one word and whatever your answer was became your name for the night. My question was “How do you feel about your job?” and my answer was “Excited.”

After putting on my name tag I made my way through the crowd which was comprised of people who were already in groups engulfed in deep conversation with drinks in hand. I scanned the crowd and looked for name tags that intrigued me but I saw things like Blackberry, Stomach, Marching in Place, and the list goes on and on but nothing that wowed me plus I didn’t know how to spark a question based off any of those things without saying a corny joke like Blackberry? The Phone or the Fruit?

When I first meet people I am more of an observer I usually like to analyze what I am getting into before I just jump in, so I stood around just observing the crowd and how they interact with each other. Luckily I bumped into Kenji Summers who I met a couple of weeks prior at the MGProject Tweetup and I was kind of happy to see a familiar face to ease the discomfort. We began to talk about his name tag which said Blackberry which he said he couldn’t live without (that is what everyone who I’ve spoken to lately tells me and they all are trying to convince me to invest in one). After we went through the pleasantries I mentioned my dilemma in regards to just jumping into an already established conversation because that just wasn’t my style. But Kenji had an interesting philosophy on exactly how I should work my way in and begin to network, he said “You Have to Make People Uncomfortable”. He then went on to say “Watch Me, I am going to make 3 people uncomfortable right now” and disappeared into the crowd.

Not to long after I left the event and was in deep thought about what Kenji said and was questioning myself on whether or not I was bold enough to test this theory out. Now to most this concept would make no sense and to me it did not register at first as well but as the night went on it became more apparent to me exactly what he meant.

When I got in I checked my emails, signed into my social networks to see what was buzzing and I came across a friend’s status that said:

You have to learn how to come out of your comfort zone or personal circle in order to obtain what God has for your life. Rise to the occasion and seize the moment. ~QtheProphet

And at the moment I read this a light bulb went off and I instantly understood what Kenji said to me earlier and everything seemed so clear. I thought to myself I am sure I am not the only person who has these feelings of discomfort but the only way to enhance my networking skills would be to seize the moment, go out on a limb and approach someone. At the moment of interaction that person may be feeling just as uncomfortable as I and that alone would give us something in common.

So let’s recap what we learned today:

    1. Don’t be afraid to make the first move
    2. Don’t be afraid to make people uncomfortable
    3. Set a Goal for yourself (Kenji picked 3 people to interact with)

And last but not least enjoy yourself, networking isn’t about forcing business connections it is about forming trusted relationships with individuals who you may have similar views or with new people who can help expose you to new things.

What obstacles do you face when networking? or when trying to build strong business relationships? if any